Tuesday, March 22, 2005

A hope deferred

I don't usually like to whine, but for some reason I really feel like it today. Proverbs 13:12 tells me that a "Hope deferred maketh the heart sick." I have to wonder sometimes if God really hears.

Throughout my last two years of college, I daily prayed that God would introduce me to my future wife--a women that would love the Lord and seek him with her full heart. I set the standards high. I didn't fall like my friends around me into the deception of dating someone not of the faith. In fact, I set the standard as being only a reformed girl. Setting standards high was good I was told. There are enough problems in marriage; introducing deep-rooted ones is a bad idea. One should seek a spouse that agrees with you on the very fundamental issues. Instead of God providing such a great wife, I had various girls that seemed to me to qualify dangled in front of me, but none of them were the one. What was the purpose of this? So that I can feel alive by having my heart trampled on? I wish I knew the answer.

Now as I'm a bit older, I see my friends of youth finding the wives of their dreams. Friends that I argued with; friends that I had instructed about setting their standards higher. Some of them listened, and they found exceptional women. Good for them--but what about me? Am I forgotten, Oh Lord, in all this? I--the one who tried to live up to your high standards? Why are the people who disregarded your commandments blessed so greatly now and I left? (I know Psalm 73 answers my question, but still...)

I recently bought a new car. What else did I have to spend my money on you know? I had planned all through college to get a decent job to support a family. So much for those dreams--they are long dead. Unfortunately, the car doesn't take the place of what I really wanted. Don't get me wrong, I like my car, but a wife would be of so much more value. Proverbs 31:10 "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies." Oh, what would I not give up for such a treasure?

But who am I to contend with God? What has been decreed will come to pass; it is hard to kick against the goads.
Nay but, O man, who art thou that repliest against God? Shall the thing formed say to him that formed it, Why hast thou made me thus? Hath not the potter power over the clay, of the same lump to make one vessel unto honour, and another unto dishonour? What if God, willing to shew his wrath, and to make his power known, endured with much longsuffering the vessels of wrath fitted to destruction: And that he might make known the riches of his glory on the vessels of mercy, which he had afore prepared unto glory, Even us, whom he hath called, not of the Jews only, but also of the Gentiles? (Romans 9:20-24)


At 11:38 AM, Anonymous The German said...

Take comfort in the fact that it is not something that you are doing wrong. God will reveal to you in due time what he has set you aside for. For the record....I think its ok to date outside of the reformed denomination. Just dont wonder too far from it. ;-)

The Tom and I had a short email discussion about this today. You are not the only one who is frustrated my friend. Even the girls I had held intrest with in the reformed faith turned out to be not of the proper caliber (at least yet) to date.

I have no answer for this. However, I do know there is a reason for it. I do not know what that reason is, but at least there is some comfort that all is not lost.

At 11:26 AM, Blogger Ecthelion said...

i'm with the german. sticking to the reformed faith is difficult. there are many females out there that are christians but know something is missing and are searching for the right answers. unfortunately, the reformed faith is small right now and i believe many are searching without finding the answers. if you're meeting girls of a different 'orientation', but you're straight forward with them about your faith and your requirements, you can find some very decent girls out there.


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