A black heart

Proverbs 16:18 tells us that “Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.” Pride is a deceptive beast. It appears in the strangest forms, but if you search hard enough it can be found almost anywhere. My Pastor is fond of saying that every drunk at the bar knows he is better than someone. “At least I'm not like So-and-So” he'll say. People that you'd think were the humblest could very well be the proudest people.

Some kinds of pride are good. I think it is good to take pride in your work; it spurs you onto good deeds. As long as you don't think that such works can save you that is. They are still filthy rags before the holy God.

I clearly see two instances of pride in my own life right now. I'm sure there are people who aren't proud and hold these same positions, but I'm not one of them. Looking into my own heart, I can see their real root. It is a scary thing to look into my own life and see the blackness of my own heart. In all honesty, I would much prefer not to do it a whole lot. In this specific case, I can clearly see my thinking. I believe that my way is the best, and that my activities are the most important. The more sophisticated I get the more complicated I can make my justifications. Proverbs 26:16 says “The sluggard is wiser in his own conceit than seven men that can render a reason.” Could that be true of the proud man as well?

Case #1
As I'm playing some Frisbee golf with some good friends, my mom calls my sister and requests our help with moving some rock for her yard. I had already made plans to play through this game and then go shooting with another friend. I like to keep my word, but I knew that my mom's request was just her nice way of saying that she needed help. I've heard it before; she always tries to ask in a much nicer manner than she should. I figured I could help later, after I was back from shooting. We drove up to the range and found it completely packed--there were no open places, so we ended up not getting to shoot. I should have known it would be that way on a Saturday afternoon. It was pretty late when I got home; I called to see if anymore help was needed, but they had completed the work that day.

Case #2
I've complained a lot about the lack of eligible single women in the Church, and yet I don't bother to take good opportunities that other friends and relatives provide. You could say that I don't like being set up. Why is this? Mainly because I don't want to be indebted to someone; I want to be independent--to go my own way. I don't like the feeling of needing someone else's help. If I can't do it myself, or pay for it myself, then I don't want it. Maybe this is the key thing I must learn before I find the one. Maybe I have to learn that I can't do it alone.

I hope that GI Joe was right when he said “Knowing is half the battle.”