Thursday, February 24, 2005

Lawyer jokes...

My dad is a lawyer, so these were always fun as a kid.

What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

What kind of lure must you use if you want to attract lawyers so as to shoot them?
You may use any as long as it yells every once in a while, "I'm gonna sue!!"

Some good witness questioning:
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Taken from various places and various emails...


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